I was waiting...

With things as busy as they are, it may be Xmas before I can post. Geeeez.

Here's something to keep you entertained while I am outside in a t-shirt and light sweater.

OH, that's right...

Today is Thanksgiving.

I give thanks for people who go the speed limit in the carpool lane.

Oh, and all of you.

Carpool Lane

On of the benefits of riding with your spouse to work is the Carpool Lane. I can pay bills while he gets the joy of passing all the other people standing in traffic. It's a win/win.

As you might suspect, I have a bitch about this lane.

The carpool lane is NOT a make your own speed lane. You cannot go 90 in it and ride our asses when it is clear the other lanes are blocked solid and we can't move over just to let you by. The highways now have speed cameras every few miles and speed vans in between, dipshit, have you not noticed?

It also is not the slow lane when you have two people with you and the other lanes are blocked. You aren't allowed to go 45 fucking miles per hour in it. That kinda beats the point when you are in the carpool lane, doesn't it? Going as slow, if not slower, than the rest of the highway?

Also, a good point, if you have the name of your business on the side of your pickup it is not a good idea to slow down even more, to 20 miles UNDER the speed limit on purpose to be an asshole, then flip us off when we drive by **** Construction and Remodeling at 602 ###-####. It is a very tight market right now and some of our best friends are realtors. Baaaaad move.

Mental note of things not to do at the office.

OOOOoooohhhh that smell...


Do Not, under any circumstances, open a can of tuna in the women's bathroom.






although the jokes that followed were numerous and funny.

The Last Month... condensed version.

The jobs have commenced. Wedding number one is over. Wedding number two is Sunday. Go Obama! Yay, gas prices. My bed is my long lost best friend.

Phillies are the new Yankees

I am not a sports fan. I am an athletic fan, meaning that I respect and appreciate their dedication and the training it takes to be the best. I like going to various sports games and enjoy watching everything, including the fans. HOWEVER...

I now have a hatred for the Phillies fans. I have a familial relation that was at the World Series in Philly. They are familially related to the Rays team and were there to enjoy the game and to see their father play in his first World Series and everyone was very excited.

Last I heard baseball was an All American sport and from what I understand there are usually TWO teams that play against each other in every sport in every game. Each team usually has fans that root for their team and sometimes there is heckling that goes on. Usually, that is a good natured thing and adds fun to the festivities. Again, I believe there is always two teams, right?

What kind of assholes spit on a 6 year old girl for wearing Rays gear? What kind of 'men' (and I am using that term very, very lightly here) throw cups at little old GREAT Grandmothers who are there to watch their son reach the pinnacle of his career? What kind of beer bellied neanderthals threaten a 20 year old kid who is all alone, pops out to smoke a cigarette before bringing everyone back a drink, and calls him a faggot and tries to intimidate the shit out of him. What kind of assholes does such thing? Phillies fans.

This family, WHO ARE FROM PENNSYLVANIA, had to have an armed escort to and from their seats every day after the first game.

The Phillies can go fuck themselves. What happened to America?

And as a side note, I don't think either team played their best and the Pissers deserved their win, but I will forever remember this game and that city for spitting on such an adorable child. What is she going to think about baseball after that?

Go fuck yourselves again. Bastards.

Cons of the job

Being too damn tired to do anything on a Friday night. And falling asleep during the World Series too.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Pros of the job #2

I have figured out the bathroom. I have earned some kind of Office Award for figuring this one out so soon. There appears to be be only 5 stalls available on my floor. One of these stalls door closes behind itself, so inattentive people think someone is in there. Thusly, this stall is used the least.

SCORE!

Cons of the Job #3

That one guy (who sits far away, thank goodness) that kept sneaking peeks at the girls upon introduction, even though I wore a black turtleneck sweater. Men. It would have been lovely if I could have just pulled out a stick-on nametag and a sharpie and wrote "Yes, they are real" and "My face is up here" and just stuck them on my chest. I mean, c'mon dude, even the boss noticed. Snap out of it.

Pros of the Job

First impressions, great place to work. Light-hearted, thank you Jebus. Banking is a fairly austere, stern place to work. After my last boss, I really had enough of that -- I drink beer, fer goodness sake -- there isn't much hoity toity about that.

Pro - When your boss pulls a ceramic figurine out of his otherwise empty refrigerator, the victim of a practical joke, you may be in a good place to work.

Cons of the Job, Part 2

What the hell is with this getting up early crap? I mean, I got up pretty damn early for someone that had nowhere to go, but this 6am crap is for the birds. Yes, those things cackling outside my window right now. The kicker? I don't have to be up yet, but LK does, so I am dead assed tired and I am not even getting paid for it.

I feel my caffeine addiction coming back. I gave up the stuff about a month ago and have now had it 3 days in a row and I am damned sure going out today and getting more like a meth-head just coming down off a 9 hour handlebar polish.

Caaaafffeeeiiinnnnneee. I would settle for a beer, but at 10am on a Monday, that might be a little unseemly.*


*who am I kidding, I declared any day where I was up early and working outside as Beer for Breakfast days. If I am out digging in the yard or installing a fence before 10am, then I damn sure deserve a beer in Arizona for that at any damn time I choose. Queen's Rules.

The Cons of the Job

I just found my first CON of the Working World. Ironing. Damn, I had forgotten about ironing.

Geez, my aching back. And I am out of beer.

Yippee Ki Yaaaaay

I go in today to sign my new hire paperwork. I start next Wednesday. Banner day, folks, banner day. I shall be leaving the days of sleeping in, playing video games, and, as of lately, being poor, for a return to the corporate world and my own little cubicle.

Believe me, I am actually be looking forward to it after spending the last 3 years playing video games and surfing the internet for a living. I have had three years of practically no other goals that gaining another level on whatever new video game is out there. I had to do it. It was my job. Don't be jealous, though, because that time also included having to deal with drunks, tweakers, and shit on the sidewalk.

I would give up all that freedom for a cubicle just to be away from that town. You have no idea how many smelly people I had to deal with. Who knew that small town America could be that backwards in this day and age? I thought, surely, with the invention of the internet, humanity could make some strides in cohesion. All I found out that racism, religious hypocrisy, and the good ol' boy network are alive and well. Towns are still run by people that don't use computers or email. How is that possible? It's all in who you know, and who you segregate from the rest.

Don't forget, those skateboarders are nasty little thugs who should be harassed and thrown up against walls for daring to ride on public property, even if they haven't been anywhere near you. "THOSE PEOPLE" should not be allowed. "NOT IN MY BACKYARD"!

I will take the cubicles full of people joking around and throwing a nerf ball around over unwashed, toothless people any day of the week. You betcha! *wink*

Words cannot describe...

"Judge orders Chinese Muslims into U.S. from Gitmo

WASHINGTON (AP) — A federal judge has ordered the release of a small group of Chinese Muslims from Guantanamo Bay into the United States.

In a landmark decision, U.S. District Judge Ricardo M. Urbina said it would be wrong for the Bush administration to continue holding the detainees, known as Uighurs since they are no longer considered enemy combatants.

They have been in custody for almost seven years and have been cleared for release since 2004. Although the Chinese government has demanded custody of the Uighurs, supporters and the Bush administration fear they would be tortured* if turned over to Beijing.

On Tuesday, Urbina called the detention unlawful saying the Constitution prohibits indefinite imprisonment without charges.

The Uighurs have been at Guantanamo Bay since the U.S. military took custody of them in Pakistan and Afghanistan in 2001. Efforts by the Bush administration to find a home for the detainees has been complicated by fears in many countries of diplomatic reprisals by China."

*....As opposed to what happens at Gitmo? Can someone please explain this logic? There has to be logic in there somewhere? Please? And SEVEN YEARS? Without legal counsel? WTG America!

Background Check

In this day and age, I certainly understand why a company wants to do a background check. After living in the HellHole I just moved from, I can most assuredly understand this, however, when the HR guy is telling you what to put on and take off of your information so there is no problems passing the background check, hasn't things gone a little too far?

I was offered a job after a background check that took 3 hours from one company that does it's background stuff in-house and I turned it down for this job. Is it because the University has contracted out this difficult job? How is it that you can't find a short term project job I had nearly 4 years ago when IT IS YOUR JOB to find it and are holding up my precious employment?

And at what point do you acknowledge that since every other stinking thing has checked out and I have nary a speeding ticket and decent credit, don't you just let it go and freaking let them give me a job? Especially when I know 4 other people who work there who got the job on the SAME DAY they interviewed, before this new policy was implemented. And these people have a plethora of tattoos and one has those freakingly huge ear plugs.

And yet, here I wait, cursing myself for turning down the other job. Maybe if I get a huge couple of holes in my head, I could get the job faster. Yeah, me the normal looking one. Maybe I should go in looking like this...

Poluhticks

I am getting so sick of hearing about Poluhticks and who's to blame for what. I will boldly state here, for the record, that I am an Independent. That's right, I sit back with a beer and try to figure things out for myself and vote accordingly.

What has really been torquing my shorts (besides the inflammatory words McSame and Hussein, Repugnicans and DemoRats, I mean, c'mon people you are supposed to be adults here!) is the blame game.

I found this article that makes me smile. Puts the blame squarely upon where it should. I hope you read it, it's fairly short. I do not know his poluhticks, which party he stands for, or even who he is, but I would like to share a beer with him just for this one article.

545 People by Charley Reese

I don't plan on mentioning poluhticks again, but I don't rule it out. I do hope that I am always bipartisan because that should be the American Way.

Just Lovely, Part 2

So, what happens when you go on a second interview for one position (the day after your first interview with another) and then head to another interview and while you are in said interview you are offered BOTH the previous jobs you were interviewing for that pay the same amount and you really, really like them both? I mean, really like them both.

Tough problem to have after months of freaking out.

Dammit, why can't life just be simple?

I need a beer. I just finished off my Dundee's Honey Brown. I just can't think without one.
(Which makes me sound like an alcoholic, but I'm not... yet.)

Just lovely

So, I was WAY overdressed for my interview today. When they tell you you are meeting with two managers and being tested at a university, you assume you should bring out the pinstriped suit. Then you arrive and find yourself surrounded by people in polo shirts and some of the women had on fancy flipflops. One even had both bra straps showing because she was wearing a sleeveless tunic.

I am not feeling that I got this position once they saw my resume and then told me that the position was basically entry level data entry. I impressed the hell out of them with my mad Excel skills and was asked to stop using my quick strokes or 'cheats' as they called them at first, then told me to go ahead once they saw I knew the long way to do something. However, I saw several of the people go and sit at their desks, so they are internal candidates. Methinks it will go to one of them instead.

The pisser? Every damn one of those people on the floor were smiling and joking with each other. I would love to work in this environment. And their word of the day they were to work into a conversation? Mary Poppins.

I want to work anywhere the word of the day is Mary Poppins. I personally heard a "Let's get the Chim-chiminy out of here." as they left for lunch and "Have a Supercalifragilistic Day" by a pair as they separated to go down different aisles with razzing in between. I miss a good razzing, dammit.

On another note, our old dog seems intent on chewing off his tail. It is half bald and I am afraid I will wake up tomorrow to a stub. WTF? If any dog has ever needed prozac, this would be the one.

Oh, and damned if I am not out of beer.

Where the hell is my silver lining? And yes, that means I would settle for Coors Light!

For Steakbellie

After a day at Motocross.



The one on the left is just now 24 and father of my sweet, sweet grandson. The others are both 18 now. Enjoy every moment. You know what I'm talking about.

Bird Flu

Continuing my saga of Not Having Anything to Write About, I am on to Falwless' next topic: Bird Flu.

According to the CDC:
Infected birds shed influenza virus in their saliva, nasal secretions, and feces. Susceptible birds become infected when they have contact with contaminated secretions or excretions or with surfaces that are contaminated with secretions or excretions from infected birds.

I was sitting here, wondering how in the hell an everyday human (sans Poultry Growers, Inner Chinese Market Ladies, etc) could possibly come into contact with bird saliva. Then I remembered this:




Should I be concerned?

Albatross

Isn't it funny that sometimes you can make a comment about something and see, on the computer screen, some form of a Freudian Slip? Something that colors how you have changed your perspective on a subject.

I have been looking for employment, I think most of you know. I am looking to reenter the corporate world after a nice exile as an Administrative Assistant. I am old enough to still think of it as a Secretary, something I have been involved with since I was 16.

When I entered into Corporate America I was shocked. Shocked at the petty stupidity, shocked at the rigidity, and shocked at the waste. Small businesses run lean, so this was new to me. I was expected to use my brain to either make or save the company money. I loved it. I learned to love the corporate world as well. I figured out the system and worked it well. I was outstanding at my job, this being from a normally modest person. I could multitask so many things that twice after I moved during departmental realignments it took two people to replace me. I wish I was this good in my private life, trust me.

I was the Queen of the Office. If someone needed something, I could get it. I didn't just work for the managers, I worked for everyone. I learned the Building Network and had almost worked my way to Queen of the Building. That person who knows the REALLY important people. (Janitors, IT, and the Cafeteria Ladies) in the building and has the contacts for the myriad of things outside the building as well (Caterers, Couriers, reliable Taxi Services). Seriously, if you are in a large corporate atmosphere, you have got to be nice to this person because they can get shit done. I learned from some very wise Admins. I thrived on it.

Then one day we get word of another 'departmental realignment' and I will be getting a new boss. A woman boss. A woman boss who knows absolutely nothing about our departments area of expertise, instead she is a woman who is good at 'realigning departments'. Hey, I can roll with the punches. I had a boss that was so much like Michael Scott that it was painful to watch The Office for awhile. However, "Michael" was not sexist and the few times he asked me to get him coffee for himself and his meeting attendee, he apologized. I knew it was a timing thing and I am good with that, and even took the blame when he missed a flight I reminded him of twice, but working for Katherine Parker from "Working Girl" was a whole 'nother ballgame.

I have only recently, within the last 3 years, actually watched any length of the movie "Working Girl". (Yeah, yeah, make fun of me some more, but I am not a Griffith fan, so skipped it.) I caught it on WGN or something on day. DEAR LORD was that freaky watching that show. It was like a glimpse into my past, without the '80's hairdo and shoulder pads.

Let me start out by saying that I respected this woman's knowledge and her ability to divvy up a department and make everyone squirm. It was impressive to watch. However, when that squirming is directed at you, well, it isn't so fun. Shall we discuss just a tad of these to put this post into perspective? The loooong story is just ad naseum of the same bitchy litanies that was so gloriously put on film by Ms. Weaver and Ms. Griffith.

To start, this was a seriously large building. Seriously large. It was close to a quarter mile walk to the water fountains. Even though I went into her office each day approximately 20 minutes before it was time for me to leave for the day, "Katherine" would wait until 5 minutes before my carpool arrived to do something that would attract my attention and she would look at me through the glass of her office and wave her water glass at me to let me know it was time for a refill. Time to RUSH across the HALF MILE to get her her damned water before the carpool arrived. This happened about twice per week, more if she was feeling particularly cranky.

I had to keep her kids' calendars, come up with a multiplication chart to test her son, arrange personal travel along with business travel, and even called 911 when she had a medical emergency and went with her to the hospital, arranging for emergency childcare for her children and calling her family. For some reason, her behavior just got a worse after that. Her demands increased and her nastiness skyrocketed.

She asked me to get her water once and bring it to a meeting she was going to have. A 'meeting' with one of her friends that had nothing to do with work, I might add. The problem? This meeting was just off the hallway to the water fountains. I ended up walking behind her holding her water cup most of the way, then walked the additional 50 feet, filled up the glass and walked it back to her in the office, like I was a little slave girl and had to walk behind her 5 paces.

At this time I started looking to transfer to another department. She was so sickeningly nice to my face and I know she was saying things behind my back. I guess she wasn't smart enough to realize that I had worked with her managers much longer than she. I had tried to get two other admin positions in another building (again, it's good to be the Queen) but word started coming back to me that she was squelching them. Unfortunately, she was also a Queen, having been at this institution far longer than I, just in the skyscraper downtown not out in the 'burbs with the rest of us. This woman repeatedly took credit for my ideas and publicly ridiculed me in a departmental meeting (about 200 people).

Finally a job came up that lit my fire. I had already been doing parts of this job in my extra time to aid this group (I told you, I was damn good at my job) and knew I was a shoe-in. It would have been a slight decrease in 'status' but was one step away from a large increase and a whole new job field with huge potential. I was thrilled to be told on the sly that I was both managers choice, then leaning in in a conspiratorial way, proceed to be be told "If you don't get the job, you will know why" with a quick raise of the eyebrows and the eyes pointing at her office.

I didn't get the job.

I still to this day do not know why she wanted me under her thumb. I found another job, five minutes from our house, that worked much better with our children but with no future and less pay. I had to quit the job that I loved and give up on that future because of her and I realize now that has tainted my view of the corporate world until now.

Oh, and she quit one month later. Yes, ONE MONTH LATER, after one of her managers quit and went to a competitor with the cream of his group. I was just shy of another week's vacation, more money in my 401K, and more perks of longevity.

I am letting go of this albatross now. I am looking forward to being back in the corporate world. I got a sweet buzz from the Corporate Crack because it became a game. A sweet game of how many contacts I could get to make whatever I was doing smoother and faster, being the go-to person for hundreds. Mama wants more of the fun.

To hell with the bad memories, time to create new one!

Personal note

With LK hinting about sneaking off for a little sumpin-sumpin while Leo Jr is in the shower, I ask if I need to 'turn him in for Sex Therapy like the Xfiles dude'. (when I really meant sex addiction)

LK "No, you just need to turn me over for Sex Therapy."

Touche, LK, touche.

What the Hell?

Dear Fellow Bloggers,

I have lost my mojo. I have no funny left. There is nothing going on that I can write about. Nothing funny at all. My life has been consisting of waking up, turning on a computer, and searching for employment. Pistols could surely come up with funny material even in that, alas, I don't seem to have that ability.

Sure, I had taken a temp job at a College Bookstore for a few weeks. I did see a few funny things there I could share. I would have to really stretch to get something out of them. (BTW, if you have some extra time around the starting of classes during warm weather and you want to see some boobs, that would be a great place to hang out.)

I am thinking of giving up this blogging thing. You can't really be a blogger if you have nothing to blog on. Can I just be a commenter?

I tried and tried to find you pictures of the RNC VP Swimsuit Competition, but alas, could not.

You will have to make due with this:

What a day...

After getting a text at work that my son was taking LK to the hospital because of chest pains and clamminess, I have not had such a good day. After most of the day in the emergency room, LK has a clean bill of health and was told it must be viral. I am sure I will have the heart attack once the ER bill comes since we have no insurance.

This, however, has made me feel better. I love dogs and babies.

I need a beer.

Personal Statement

I like to wear hats.

I don't often wear them because people look at me when I do.

I don't like people looking at me.

Basic Instinct

I admit to not being all up-to-date like Beckeye. I used to have a life that didn't revolve around screens (t.v., internet, sun), so forgive me if I haven't seen the movie Basic Instinct before last night.

I have to ask... What the hell was that piece of crap? Did it really become popular just because of the sex scenes and no panties? I admit to having watched it on regular telly so I missed most of those, which I doubt would have changed my mind.

This was a horrible piece of drivel that had plot holes bigger than Sharon's Vajayjay.

We Would Also Like Ownership of Your Firstborn

I am still in the process of finding gainful employment. Never, ever, having had an issue getting a job before, this is becoming a very frustrating time. Frustrating enough to start applying for jobs that pay very, very little.

If you haven't searched for employment lately you may not realize that they really do not want to even see you in person at all. It is all done on the interwebs and any attempt to offer to bring in a resume and application in person is treated as if you are a leper with a third eye coming in to disembowel them.

I received my first phone call yesterday expressing interest and asking me to fill out another, more in depth application they had just sent, which I excitedly did. Extremely low pay, but good perks.

This morning there is another application to be filled out. This application is for a pre-employment background check. Now I understand in this day and age these things need to be done, but thought this would be AFTER an interview, after I had decided whether I wanted to work there and after they had decided they would like me to work there. What if I was a leper with a third eye? Have a goiter the size of Rhode Island? Wouldn't they want to know that ahead of time? One would think.

Instead, this company wants to know everywhere I have lived in the last 7 years, names used, and my social security number. They want my social security number BEFORE I know if I want to work there.

Oh, and the real kicker? By filling out this application I agree to let them look at my credit report any time they like for the length of my employment. Really? Taking my pee isn't enough? Doing a full credit and background check before employment the interview not enough? (not a bank, where this might make sense) Do I submit a DNA sample upon offer of employment and agree to let them clone me in perpetuity? How about the fact that this job pays $9 per hour?! NINE DOLLARS AN HOUR and they want to invade my privacy any time they like.

"I acknowledge that a telephonic facsimile or copy of this release shall be valid as the original. This release is valid for all federal, state, county and local agencies and authorities. I have the right to make a written request within a reasonable period of time for complete and accurate disclosure of additional information concerning the nature and scope of the investigation. I also authorize Chump Change Employment to obtain my consumer report for employment purposes at any time during the tenure of my employment."

What the hell is wrong with this picture and where is our privacy going? Do I have to bring in my trash can every week so they may investigate how much I recycle? Will they require a camera in our bedroom as well, because happy employees are good employees?

I was looking forward to being employed and having a break from owning our own business for awhile. It really is a 24x7 job with no sick days and no vacations, so weekends off and verbal discourse with people having teeth was something I had been looking forward to. I am now hoping to restart our business within the next calendar year because not having someone with a microscope up your ass is high on my list of priorities.


(on a different note, Where in the World is Doorknob Dan? I had only just started to stalk read him and was planning on adding him to my blogroll and I cannot locate him.)

Presidential Material

Can I vote for this woman for President!?

Things that make you go, hmmmm...

During an interview about his upcoming roast, Mr Sagat reveals that he is really Pistols at Dawn.

"AP: What kind of music would you like to have in the background if you did do a heart-to-heart?

Saget: I guess something by Journey with Steve Perry because they had the synthesizers all down really well. It was all about the synth."

Really, now, Mr Dawn, I mean, Sagat? All about the synth? Methinks that says it all right there.

Alrighty Then...

I warned you before that I would be returning someday and force you to look at pictures you didn't want to see. Well, I am posting them again to force you to look at my Cuteness Overlords. While I know that some of you do not have/do not want/hate the thought of humanoids such as these, you will have to suck it, cuz here they are in all their glory once again, mainly because I am old and senile and I don't have anything to kick off my inaugural posting here on Leonesse Roars.

Now, please let yourself be known so I can add you to my new blogroll!