Tuesday, August 19, 2008

We Would Also Like Ownership of Your Firstborn

I am still in the process of finding gainful employment. Never, ever, having had an issue getting a job before, this is becoming a very frustrating time. Frustrating enough to start applying for jobs that pay very, very little.

If you haven't searched for employment lately you may not realize that they really do not want to even see you in person at all. It is all done on the interwebs and any attempt to offer to bring in a resume and application in person is treated as if you are a leper with a third eye coming in to disembowel them.

I received my first phone call yesterday expressing interest and asking me to fill out another, more in depth application they had just sent, which I excitedly did. Extremely low pay, but good perks.

This morning there is another application to be filled out. This application is for a pre-employment background check. Now I understand in this day and age these things need to be done, but thought this would be AFTER an interview, after I had decided whether I wanted to work there and after they had decided they would like me to work there. What if I was a leper with a third eye? Have a goiter the size of Rhode Island? Wouldn't they want to know that ahead of time? One would think.

Instead, this company wants to know everywhere I have lived in the last 7 years, names used, and my social security number. They want my social security number BEFORE I know if I want to work there.

Oh, and the real kicker? By filling out this application I agree to let them look at my credit report any time they like for the length of my employment. Really? Taking my pee isn't enough? Doing a full credit and background check before employment the interview not enough? (not a bank, where this might make sense) Do I submit a DNA sample upon offer of employment and agree to let them clone me in perpetuity? How about the fact that this job pays $9 per hour?! NINE DOLLARS AN HOUR and they want to invade my privacy any time they like.

"I acknowledge that a telephonic facsimile or copy of this release shall be valid as the original. This release is valid for all federal, state, county and local agencies and authorities. I have the right to make a written request within a reasonable period of time for complete and accurate disclosure of additional information concerning the nature and scope of the investigation. I also authorize Chump Change Employment to obtain my consumer report for employment purposes at any time during the tenure of my employment."

What the hell is wrong with this picture and where is our privacy going? Do I have to bring in my trash can every week so they may investigate how much I recycle? Will they require a camera in our bedroom as well, because happy employees are good employees?

I was looking forward to being employed and having a break from owning our own business for awhile. It really is a 24x7 job with no sick days and no vacations, so weekends off and verbal discourse with people having teeth was something I had been looking forward to. I am now hoping to restart our business within the next calendar year because not having someone with a microscope up your ass is high on my list of priorities.


(on a different note, Where in the World is Doorknob Dan? I had only just started to stalk read him and was planning on adding him to my blogroll and I cannot locate him.)

8 comments:

Jon said...

If it makes you feel better, I work in the HR field, and I always have applicants fill out that crap before an interview. But I don't actually do anything with it until after I offer them the job.

However, I do use the DOB information to discriminate against old people. That's just Employment 101.

Leonesse said...

That's great. I'm an old person. That's why I scrubbed my resume of anything that says how long I have been doing this crap.

katrocket said...

Dan is here now:
http://poobomber.wordpress.com/

I'm experiencing the same problems here, well, except for the Social Insurance number thing - that's against our labour laws. So I gave up on looking for work, and I'm trying to remain self-employed for as long as possible.

Leonesse said...

Ah! Thought he might be Dr. Zibb for abit there.

You would think with all the identity theft running rampant they wouldn't ask for such.

We plan on doing the same thing. Doing something to be self employed again. As soon as I close down Hometown Pride completely, I will post more juicy details of our former life.

Moderator said...

At Grant Miller Media will perform full cavity searches, just in case.

Bert Bananas said...

I subscribe to a service that for $1 will give me every address you've lived at since 1985, and a few they've made up just to make things spicier. If I want to pay $4 more, I get a report with SOOOooo much shit about you that it will recall for you people you haven't thought about since the pregnancy test said you weren't.

As a curb painter there are certain things I have to know... Naturally I would never abuse this power.

Most of that HR crap is the HR person covering his/her ass so that if you're a bad hire the HR person can point to all the steps that were taken...

Whatever happened to the good old days when there were kings and the rest of us were serfs?

Leonesse said...

Miller, just make sure to lube.

Mr. B, I thought it had to be pretty cheap. I would love to find out all they know, just to clear up any things that were supposed to be included in the Witness Protection program. --again, I understand 'some' of the reasoning, but BEFORE an interview seems abit far reaching!

Chris the Hippie said...

The economy sucks, even here in SUX. (That's the airport code for Sioux City. I live in SUX. It's good for morale.)